Wednesday, 21 January 2015

My best geek joke this week

And this isn't the joke, but have you noticed how instant coffee cans make the same noise as "the magic noise" on kid's tv? Try it. Have a cup of magic...
Gratuitous picture.

Anyway, the Internet Of Things.....

Monday, 27 October 2014

Proper Tea

Well it's been a while. Mainly because I've been working hard revolutionising payments. That and I didn't have much to say.

Anyway, TODAY I have important knowledge to impart! Something all Americans need to know.

I will be buying this mug

How To Make Proper Tea

Basically, forget all the rubbish about temperatures and amounts and all that stuff. We are going to use the imperial Chinese technique here, which is basically using massive quantities of leaves steeped for hardly any time at all.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Dumb clients are dumb, intelligent networks are dumber

Best film ever!
So you need process A to talk to process B, but you want asynchronicity, reliability, decoupling blah blah, and you go to the interweb, and they say "Message Queue!" a million times.

Now since SOA was just a marketing term for EAI back in the bad-old-days of the late '90s, early '00's, this was valid. Clients really were dumb, because they'd never had to talk to anyone else before, and they weren't about to change now.

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Thinking really hard hurts a lot

So I'm reading Bret Victor's stuff. You know, the guy I have a huge geek-crush on (...he's so dreamy...). Indeed I sent him geek-mail last night. On review it seems to have been a bit like 10-year old declaration of affection by act of verbal violence. Hey ho. It's always possible he has a sense of humour (eek).

mandatory monty python reference

Anyway, my point is that I have developed that affliction known as a MISSION. Complete with coconut shell clipping and clopping. My thinking is that programming languages, and development environments, indeed even the underlying systems, are really really really [times infinity] primitive.

Fast as...

We have all this massive power compared to the 1970's, but all we've done is build dragsters.

 It's just not acceptable. And what's more. It's personal. My beautiful eldest daughter expressed a wish to program, and all I had was Scratch (meh), Logo (good for about five minutes), or, "Lord Help Us", the Khan Academy (nausea).

So I'm going to build some stuff. Something new-ish. Something where programming is not the goal, it is the tool, THE TOOL. It's going to be great. It will be the start of something, and this isn't just about kids.

you don't want this
The fact is, all current programming platforms are incredibly poor. They abstract a machine, but do it badly. They actively discourage incremental, goal-focussed, exploratory development. They are not at all adapted to human cognition. They are intrinsically unsafe because they throw away state and provide no basic facilities for evolution. Calling them dinosaurs is an insult to dinosaurs. They hardly even qualify as single-celled. Noro-virus is preferable to this affliction.

So you may find my blogging to become a little obsessive. If I can I'll try some stuff out here, though I'm not sure how well blogger supports Javascript-y stuff. In the mean-time, check this out for it is The Shit:  <sighs...bats a hetero-manly way...obviously> 

Saturday, 2 November 2013

Greek myths don't persuade...but axes might

Naive agile planning has a bunch of issues, not least is the Procrustean bed problem.

Problems don't necessarily fit into particular time durations:

So what to do?

I tell you what you don't do. Yet people do this all the time, and it really makes me cry...and reach for an axe...

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Those little blue bastards....

So we've all seen bootstrap.js, and it comes with a default syle like so:

This is now the default style of the internet along with a .io suffix. Meh.

Friday, 30 August 2013

Object orientation and academic tyranny

So, ever since whenever, there has been this fight between those who engineer, and those who science. In our wacky world of IT it can be hard to tell the difference, but it is there. what usually happens is that engineers build something that works but is a bit messy. Then scientists come in and theorise around it, often usefully filling in gaps, but also tending to particular axiomatic ideas of beauty which don't have 'working' as a priority.

So engineers like this:

Scientists like this: